


It Could've Been Great

by WritingYay



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Complicated - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Trauma, Ex-Boyfriends, M/M, Mention of transgender character, Not Very Steve Friendly, Pain, Past Relationships, Shopping, Sorting out their shit, Steve fled to Ireland, Steve has moved on, Swearing, Toxic Relationship, countryside, markets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:46:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17862356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingYay/pseuds/WritingYay
Summary: What the hell are you supposed to say when you bump into the ex-boyfriend who went missing when you broke up and said ex-boyfriend's brand new partner?You broke my heart, asshole? Where have you been for the last three years you inconsiderate piece of shit?Uh, hi??Tony fucking hates the countryside.





	It Could've Been Great

**Author's Note:**

> Why do I always come up with the weirdest concepts? I mean, a farmer's market? Really girl??
> 
> Lmao let me know what you thought x

Why, the actual fuck, did he think cooking for a God, a couple of assassins and Earth’s most dangerous supernaturally-enhanced weapons would _ever_ be a good idea?

Tony stands, lost, in the middle of the farmer’s market with a basket in one hand and an empty shopping list in the other. Jesus Christ, he should’ve just asked Jarvis to do an online food order for him whilst he relaxed in his sweatpants and watched Grease. Not, standing in the country bumpkin part of upstate surrounded by people with missing teeth and straw hats.

He was too old for this. He was too old for looking completely out of place; Clint did warn him that travelling to an outdoor market in a Pulp Fiction t-shirt and tartan chinos was a very bad idea. Did he listen to Clint? No, he didn’t. Dumb fucking move, Stark.

Luckily, nobody here seemed to be recognising him. Well, nobody was trying to make conversation if they did identify him which was a bit of a blessing. The country way, he mulled over and continued to weave through the lazy crowds whilst peering over people’s shoulders at the fresh produce, seemed to be minding your own business and not doing a double take when Iron Man crashed your fresh fruit stall. Small mercies, hey.

He’s just settled on making chicken tikka masala skewers when a hand settles on his shoulder. His muscles automatically tense under the intruder’s flexing fingers, but he doesn’t jump a mile and whirl around to the smack the person between the eyebrows. No, because- oh, why goddamnit was this his life? Here? Now? 

Tony immediately recognises the aftershave wafting from the person. It smells of pine and cinnamon and… home. Fuck.

Steve’s smiling when Tony cranes his head round to glance at him. It’s not a proper Steve smile though, and that surprisingly hurts. The slightly-scared smirk that is plastered to his ex-boyfriend’s lips is the one he used to save for the cameras back when he was still Captain America. Back when he was the love of Tony’s life. Back when they were all a family and everything was _good_. 

“What in the actual hell, are you doing here?” Steve asks and claps Tony on the shoulder before he can drop his shopping in exhaustion. Standing face to face with the 6’2” blonde brick wall that broke his heart stirs too many painful memories for Tony to handle, so he settles with chuckling nervously and running a hand along the back of his own neck.

“Just collecting some supplies-”

“What, two hours outside of New York?” Steve scoffs, confused, and it’s blatantly obvious that he’s just trying to act normal. He’s failing miserably though, because Tony knows him too well not to pick up on how quickly his eyes are darting around the market and how he’s clearly gnawing at the inside of his cheek. His eyes light up into a display of understanding before he’s crossing his arms to tilt his head lightly to the side. “Wait, are you planning to _cook_?”

Tony snorts and wills the hot flush of _fuck what is happening_ to climb back down his jaw.

“What are you doing here, Steve?”

He can’t help the bite that jars the ends of the words. Steve seems taken aback but to his credit, keeps up his façade of nonchalant politeness.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“I’ve given my excuse.” Tony holds up the ingredients with a frown. “What about you? A source said they’d seen you in Ireland a few years back, but we’ve heard nothing since?”

Steve shrugs, and oh god Tony’s chest _aches_.

Iron Man and Captain America in a committed relationship was never going to have worked out. Everybody told them, warned them even. Pepper even gave them an ultimatum: they could have their roles within The Avengers, or they could have each other. On paper, it was simple. In reality, it was crippling anxiety on missions, it was disagreements on tactics and it was long, drawn-out nights of screaming and hurting.

Two and a half years. That’s how long it had been since they’d had their first physical fight and Steve had packed his bags and left. He’d left Captain America, he’d left the team and he’d left Tony.

“I have been,” Steve replies carefully and pulls his shirt further down his abdomen. “But we decided to have a small vacation.”

Tony crinkles his nose in confusion. “We?”

Steve nods. “Yeah.”

Then, Tony notices her. How could he not?

She was tall, curvaceous and annoyingly pretty. Funnily enough, she looked stereotypically Irish, with tousled curls of stunning red hair and sun beam freckles littered across her nose. The woman looked carefree, like she actually slept at night instead of having nocturnal Star Wars marathons, and she was heading straight for Steve.

“Tony,” Steve says, and winds an arm around the woman’s waist when they finally reach other. “This is Alannah, my fiancé.”

It was safe to say that the bottom falls out of Tony’s world in one shattering second. Steve was getting married… oh god, Steve was getting married to _somebody that wasn’t him_.

Bile rises in Tony’s throat but he swallows it down with only a small wince at the burning that scratches down his flesh.

“You’re… oh my god- I… congratulations!”

Alannah grins, showing off a set of sharp white teeth (a bit like a shark) and holds her hand out for Tony to shake.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” 

Tony inwardly laughs at her greeting, because did she know who he was? Was she aware that he was the guy Steve had been fucking three years prior to their break up? Did she know that Tony had hidden an engagement ring in his underwear drawer from the moment they got together to the moment Steve had run away? Fuck that, did she know that said engagement ring was still buried under his motherfucking Calvin Kleins?

He pushes all this down- deep, deep down- and laughs at the ridiculousness of the situation. Steve was engaged to someone far more attractive and far less complicated than him. Tony was stuck at the compound, fighting a losing battle with the UN, still trying to piece himself back together after Steve, and still couldn’t find any bastard portabella mushrooms for the skewers.

“Ah, and you babe. I would say I’ve heard so much about you but…”

It’s a low blow, not to mention a childish one. Steve grits his jaw, but softens it to gently nudge Alannah in the ribs. They talk in low voices for a heartbeat and Tony stands there feeling more out of place than ever. After a few hushed sentences, Alannah gives him a small wave and meanders off back through the market with a meaningful glance at Steve over her shoulder.

Steve turns back to him with a sigh and pushes his hands deep into his pockets. Defensiveness. Great.

“Look, I- I should’ve been in touch. I should’ve let everyone know that I was safe in Ireland, but… it was too hard. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe me anything.” Tony snaps and rolls his eyes. “The team, on the other hand?”

Steve groans and slips his eyes closed for a second. “I know, I just- oh god, I know. Clint, and Sam, and Nat… I was in a bad place when I left, so picking up the phone to ring back scared the shit outta me if I’m being honest.”

There’s no use hiding the flash of irritation that Tony knows is settling over his demeanour. 

“It sort’a scared the shit out of us when we couldn’t get hold of you for over two years, asshole.”

“I guess I deserve that.” Steve nods quietly, his knuckles clenching through the material of his skin-tight jean pockets. “I shouldn’t have just left without any explanation.”

The night in question slams back into Tony consciousness with a breathy gasp. Blurry images of Steve yelling and crying at him swim into his vision and fuck nope, Tony had worked too hard to bury those memories for them to come and haunt him now. He shrugs and refuses to make eye contact with the other man, instead settling for a muttered: “You shouldn’t have left at all.”

He knows Steve is pushing down the urge to drag the same old fight up- he can see how tightly he’s pursed his lips together which was usually a gateway for exploding. 

“I had to.”

This causes the back-breaking weight of remorse sitting in Tony’s stomach to somersault like a trapeze artist. He remembers those clashes with Steve- the bad ones at the end in particular- how similar the hatred he used to feel towards his ex-boyfriend was to dying. 

“You didn’t _have_ to, Steve, you chose to. You chose to leave me to pick up the pieces and keep everything going alone. You ran away to Ireland with your tail between your legs because it was the easy way out. Don’t you dare,” Tony spits, and puts down his basket to point his index finger in Steve’s face in anger. “Say that you had to. I didn’t force you to. We could’ve made the situation work.”

“How?” Steve doesn’t take his eyes off the finger that Tony’s jabbed dangerously close to his nose. “We loathed each other, Tony. We nearly killed each other the night I left, for fucks sake. Do you really think we could’ve just carried on with The Avengers after that?”

The thought of working with Steve in close proximity after telling him he wished he was dead causes Tony to feel incredibly sick. The thought of pretending that he didn’t love the other man so fiercely it ignited his fucking veins made him feel even worse.

“Alannah is a teacher in Ireland. I don’t worry every damn day that she’s gonna die saving the world.” Steve carries on, his voice low and uncomfortable. “The worst thing I worry about is that some close-minded asshole is gonna say some shit to her.”

Tony frowns and snorts slightly. “What, because she’s engaged to the old Captain America? That’s a bit narcissistic, don’t you think?”

Steve exhales deeply to keep his emotions in check and shakes his head protectively.

“She’s trans.”

Oh.

Tony can’t help but flick his eyes over to Alannah, who’s inspecting some apples whilst chatting pleasantly with the vendor. No, he would never have guessed.

“Wow. You really are a rainbow of unexpected diversity, aren’t you?”

He hates the fucking words as soon as they leave his dumb mouth.

Steve’s eyes widen in shock, his whole expression dropping into one of utter disappointment. Detachment shines in the baby blues as his pupils study Tony with increasing concern. Tony remembers when those eyes stared at him with joy, pride and love. Guilt clenches his heart like a whipping. It hurts just as much as the punch Steve had given him when they’d broken up.

“What? No, don’t- Tony that’s not a fair thing to say.”

Tony makes a pained noise as Steve turns away and reaches out with desperate grabby hands to get his attention. Steve frowns and sighs heavily enough to sound like even looking at Tony causes him physical hurt. “No, no I’m sorry- Steve, don’t go, please. I didn’t mean to sound so… bitchy. I’m happy for both you and Alannah. She seems… nice.”

Steve raises his eyebrows at Tony’s pathetic scramble for the right word to describe a woman he’s never met who’s fucking his ex-boyfriend.

“I shouldn’t have come up to you.” Steve voices with a small huff, the golden hue of country sunshine- a sunshine that came straight to the ground without having to bounce off a few skyscrapers first- illuminates the white blonde streaks in his hair. “I’m sorry, I should’ve just- ah. I should’ve left you alone.”

“I would’ve carried on with my day still thinking that you could be dead.” Tony counteracts carefully, not wanting any apprehensive emotion to bleed into his voice. “At least I know you’re alive. And, that you’re ha-happy.”

His voice catches so he steels himself. Don’t let him know you care, Stark. He swallows tightly as Steve looks away with a grimace.

“Fuck, I handled this so wrong.”

“What, this now, or the last two and a half years?”

He flicks his eyes up to peer at the sky through his eyelashes. “Everything.”

Tony doesn’t challenge him, and Steve’s expression drops further. 

“At least one of us managed to escape the toxicity of life as an Avenger.” He half-jokes and tries to ignore that he’s started shaking. 

“I wish I could’ve had both.” Steve tells him. Tony freezes with wide eyes. “You, and Cap. But we were warned, Tony. Pepper was right to say that we couldn’t have both. We would’ve killed each other. Hell, we nearly did.”

His nerve endings were on _fire_. He’d waited nearly three years to hear that all his effort hadn’t been a complete waste of time. Steve had wanted the same thing, he- 

Fuck. They’d really screwed this up.

“That hurts so much, Steve.” He grinds out and drops his hands to his sides in defeat. “I love- I _loved_ you so much it physically hurt and you just left.”

Neither of the two broken souls knew what to say. Steve didn’t want to start the same argument again, not when it was an argument that they’d had too many times before. Tony was impossibly drowning in his own feelings and wasn’t exactly sure there was anybody he could trust to pull him back up.

“I’ll never stop loving you.” Steve whispers, the words barely detectable to human hearing. Tony’s lungs seize and he whines softly. Tension suffocates the both of them before Steve’s exhaling heavily and turning to pick Alannah out from the swarms. He smiles gently to himself and Tony braces himself for what’s about to come. “But I love her more.”

It hits him like a freight train and leaves him reeling. Who knew five simple words of the English language could bruise as much as physical contact? Tony certainly felt bruised: battered and aching and fragile.

“Yeah, I know.” He murmurs back and blinks back tears with a cough. “I can’t blame you for that. You moved on.”

“So should you.”

Tony laughs in spite of himself, the timbre sound echoing flat and bitter. 

“How can I move on, when I sleep in our bed and do the job that we used to do together every day?”

Steve straightens out his palms and points them towards Tony. It’s a show of placation and vulnerability, but it sort-of makes Tony hate him a bit more. “Then leave. Take your freedom and just go.”

“I can’t abandon the team.” He shrugs slowly and shrinks further into himself. “Don’t you get it? I’m running The Avengers single-handed. If I run away, what chance have they got? I do _everything_ , Steve. What hope has Earth got, if I’m not there?”

Steve just blinks silently at him, unfocused but glaringly understanding. 

“You already abandoned us,” Tony continues, desperately not wanting to be in the market any longer. “You already abandoned me. I can’t do it to the family too.”

The market bustles away; not one person pays the two men any attention. It’s freeing to be able to converse with someone in public privately, but Tony secretly wishes that someone would jump in and back him up.

Steve nods slowly but refuses to make eye contact. Instead, he clears his throat and watches the steady stream of people ambling by.

“I’m really fucking sorry that the team, that _you_ , felt abandoned. But I- Tony, I can’t be sorry for running away to Ireland. Being a coward meant I met Alannah and well… I’m happy. Honestly, T, I’m happy and I’ve not been that in a really long time.”

I’m happy now that I’m not with you, is what Tony hears, even though its clearly not what Steve meant.

“Look, I’m kinda fucking tired of this conversation.” Tony says honestly and grabs his shopping to show his finality. Steve sighs in resignation but doesn’t argue. “I’ve got some big-ass mushrooms to find. Congrats on the wedding, Steve- honestly. I’m glad you’re happy. I won’t tell the others the good news, because I feel like it’s time for you to be a fucking man and give them a call.”

“Understood.” Steve retorts seriously, but gives Tony a sloppy mock salute that makes the edges of his lips quirk upwards.

“Say bye to Alannah for me.”

“Will do.” The love of his life promises, even though Tony knows damn well he won’t. With one last glance at each other that has Tony physically clenching his ribs to stop himself from breaking down, Steve allows himself to get swallowed up by the crowd, leaving only the heady scent of fresh pine in his wake.

Tony blows air through his teeth and bites his lower lip in irritation at the sorry excuse of a person he was turning into. 

He hated the countryside. He hated Steve and he hated the perfect life his ex-boyfriend had managed to achieve with Alannah. Most of all, he hated himself for not being strong enough to tell the son of a bitch exactly where to go. 

Wait… no. That wouldn’t have solved anything. He should’ve moved on two and a half years ago. Perhaps, now it was time to finally look after himself.

Tony sighs with relief once he’s slammed the car door behind him. He takes a moment to just breathe and survey the clean atmosphere of upstate that was so different to the constant panic of New York. A blonde head pops up in the crowd and for a moment his heart squeezes at the thought that Steve was coming to find him. The person melts away again, leaving an empty pain to simmer through his blood. His fingers clench tightly around the wheel to ground his presence, and he inwardly makes a promise to never come to the countryside ever again.

And fuck it all to hell, he’d only gone and forgotten to track down the bastard mushrooms.


End file.
